Almost all divorces exert a powerful emotional impact upon separating spouses – especially when children are involved. As issues such as child custody, visitation rights, and child support come up, doubts, uncertainties, and strong emotional reactions are natural.
Often, emotional issues become so powerful that one parent intentionally or unintentionally starts to exert an excessive influence on the children. When one parent turns the opinion of the children against the other parent, it may lead to a situation known as “parental alienation”.
In Denver, this is a problem that can complicate a divorce and it may require the intervention of an experienced divorce attorney and the courts to put a stop to it. Parental alienation sometimes requires an alienation expert to not only determine whether or not it is occurring but how to resolve the issue. It is important for parents to catch alienating behaviors by the other parent early on as alienation has extreme lasting effects.
What is Parental Alienation in Colorado?
Parental alienation refers to a situation in which one parent psychologically manipulates a child to turn them against the other parent.
In practical terms, the child becomes estranged or hostile toward the targeted parent without valid justification, often displaying extreme fear, disrespect, or resistance out of proportion to that parent’s actual behavior. Parental alienation most commonly arises in high-conflict custody disputes, where one parent (sometimes unintentionally) engages in behaviors that damage the child’s relationship with the other parent. The victim or intended victim is referred to as the target parent and the instigator of the alienating tactics is the alienating parent. The behavior can start off mildly but eventually lead to “unexplained” resentment, verbal attacks, and blind hatred by the child. It may cause canceled meetups and result in the child keeping their distance both physically and emotionally from the target parent.
When such negative behavior in the child is encouraged by the alienating parent, it needs to be identified and called out. The “cure” for alienation is not clear-cut and sometimes involves the need for therapeutic assistance.
Children by nature are impressionable. During divorces, when conflicts are common and stress levels high, they are also often at their most vulnerable. The Colorado courts ultimately want to protect children in any divorce case. Sometimes the best way to protect children is to ensure that both parents spend quality time with the children and have input into their moral upbringing.
If undue influence is exerted on the children by an alienating parent to the detriment of the other, this will not be deemed to be in the best interests of the children by the courts. The solution to alienation also needs to be one in the children’s best interests.
Colorado’s Definition and Laws on Parental Alienation
In Colorado, there is no specific statute that uses the term “parental alienation.” However, Colorado law does address the underlying behavior through its child custody (parental responsibilities) statutes.
Colorado Revised Statutes C.R.S. § 14-10-124 outlines the “best interests of the child” factors that courts must consider when allocating parental responsibilities (decision-making and parenting time).
One critical factor requires judges to evaluate “the ability of each party to encourage the love, affection, and contact between the child and the other parent.” This essentially means Colorado courts look at whether each parent supports the child’s relationship with the other parent, or whether one parent is undermining that bond.
A parent who consistently bad mouths the other parent, thwarts visitation, or discourages the child from seeing the other parent will fall afoul of this best-interest factor. Colorado’s statute also contains a caveat: if one parent has committed domestic violence or child abuse, the court will not require the other parent to “encourage” interaction with an abusive parent. In other words, a parent who withholds a child to protect them from abuse is not considered to be alienating – the law recognizes the difference between protective behavior and malicious alienation.
Colorado courts are careful to distinguish true parental alienation (an unjustified campaign to undermine the other parent) from situations where a child’s estrangement might be justified by abuse, neglect, or serious dysfunction by the other parent. This distinction matters: a genuinely abusive or negligent parent might claim to be a victim of “alienation” in order to shift blame, so courts will scrutinize the facts closely.
Common Parental Alienation Examples
Parental alienation can be subtle – or more obvious. Some typical examples of actions that may be perceived as parental alienation tactics include:
- Failing to pass on birthday gifts or other presents from the target parent
- Telling the target parent that the child is not available when they call or visit
- Keeping the target parent in the dark about important upcoming events in the school or social calendar of the child
- Pointing the finger at the target parent for everything that goes wrong
- Blaming the target parent for leaving the family home
- Telling the child that the target parent doesn’t love them or making other disparaging remarks
- Fabricating information or making false allegations to create a negative impression of the target parent
- Forcing the child to choose between the alienating parent and the target parent
- Coaching the child to ignore the instructions of the target parent
How to Address Parental Alienation
Parental alienation is a serious issue that can deeply affect the relationships between a parent and their children. It occurs when one parent, either consciously or unconsciously, influences the child to reject the other parent. Addressing this complex situation requires a thoughtful and strategic approach to ensure the well-being of the child and the preservation of parental bonds.
- Recognizing the Signs: The first step in addressing parental alienation is to recognize the signs. These can include unjustified criticism of the other parent, exaggeration of flaws, and outright lies about the parent’s behavior. Children may also begin to exhibit unexplained anxiety, withdrawal, or hostility toward the alienated parent.
- Seek Professional Help: Once parental alienation is suspected, it’s crucial to seek help from professionals who specialize in family dynamics and child psychology. Therapists can work with the child and parents to uncover the reasons behind the alienation and help restore the affected relationships. Therapy provides a neutral ground for airing grievances and can teach healthy communication and conflict-resolution skills.
- Legal Intervention: In cases where the alienation is severe and the influencing parent is uncooperative, legal intervention might be necessary. This can involve revisiting custody arrangements or requesting court-ordered family therapy. It’s important to document instances of alienation and communicate with your attorney about the best course of action to protect your relationship with your child.
- Educate Yourself and Your Family: Educating yourself about parental alienation is vital. Many organizations and resources offer insights into how to handle this situation effectively. Additionally, educating other family members, especially those who might unknowingly contribute to the alienation, is essential. They need to understand the long-term impacts of their actions on the child’s mental and emotional health.
- Promote Open Communication: Encourage open and honest communication with your children without disparaging the other parent. It’s important to listen to their feelings and concerns, validate their emotions, and gently correct any misconceptions or inaccuracies about your behavior or character. This approach can help mitigate the effects of alienation and reinforce your bond with your children.
- Consistency and Patience: Dealing with parental alienation requires patience and consistency. Maintaining a consistent presence in your children’s lives, showing unconditional love, and being patient with their emotional fluctuations are vital. Over time, these efforts can help rebuild trust and alleviate the impacts of alienation.
Addressing parental alienation is challenging but essential for the well-being of both the children and the affected parent. By combining professional advice, legal solutions, and personal education, you can work toward overcoming the barriers erected by alienation and fostering a healthy, loving relationship with your children.
How Colorado Courts Handle Parental Alienation
Colorado courts take allegations of parental alienation seriously, but they also approach them with caution. If you believe the other parent is alienating your child from you, be prepared to present clear evidence of those behaviors. Family courts often require a qualified expert evaluation or testimony to substantiate claims of parental alienation. For example, a child and family investigator (CFI) or parental responsibilities evaluator (PRE) (professional roles in Colorado custody cases) can be appointed to investigate the family dynamics. These experts look for signs of one parent manipulating the child’s feelings unjustifiably. Their reports carry weight in court when determining custody and parenting time.
Some common signs of parental alienation that courts and evaluators watch for include:
- Bad-Mouthing: One parent consistently bad-mouthing or belittling the other parent in front of the child.
- Unfounded Allegations: (for example, falsely accusing the other parent of abuse or misconduct) that turn the child against that parent.
- Interference with Parenting Time: refusing visits, “forgetting” to inform about school events, or scheduling conflicting activities to limit the other parent’s contact.
- Parroting: The child “parroting” (repeating) back what someone else has said, often without fully understanding or reflecting on the meaning (like adult concepts).
- Withdrawal of Affection: the child exhibits sudden, extreme negativity toward the targeted parent that seems out of character or disproportionate to any actual events.
If the court concludes that one parent is actively undermining the child’s relationship with the other, the consequences in Colorado can be significant. Possible court actions include:
- Modification of Custody/Parenting Time: The judge can change the allocation of parental responsibilities. Colorado law permits custody modifications when there’s evidence that the child’s present environment with one parent endangers their emotional health or development – severe alienation may meet this standard. Even without a formal “endangerment” finding, repeated, unreasonable denial of parenting time by one parent can be deemed a change in circumstances that justifies modifying the parenting plan.
- Therapeutic Interventions: Courts can order family therapy or reunification therapy to repair the damaged parent-child relationship. Reunification therapy involves a mental health professional working with the child and the alienated parent to rebuild trust and communication. The alienating parent might also be required to attend counseling (for example, to address anger or co-parenting issues).
- Contempt of Court and Sanctions: If a parent violates court-ordered parenting time (visitation) repeatedly, the court can hold that parent in contempt. Consequences might include makeup parenting time for the other parent, fines, payment of the other parent’s attorney fees, or even, in extreme cases, temporary changes in custody or supervised visitation. Colorado judges have discretion to impose remedies that will stop the alienating behavior and realign the situation with the child’s best interests.
- Appointment of a Parenting Coordinator or Decision-Maker: In high-conflict cases (common with alienation allegations), the court may appoint a neutral parenting coordinator to help the parents implement the parenting plan and reduce conflict. If parents agree (or in some cases if the court finds it necessary), a decision-maker with binding authority can be appointed to resolve disputes quickly without repeated court hearings. These professionals can step in and make minor custody-related decisions or mediate issues, which can be very helpful if one parent tries to sabotage agreements or communications.
It’s worth noting that false or unsupported claims of parental alienation can backfire. If a parent unjustifiably accuses the other of alienation or exaggerates normal parent-child friction as “alienation,” the court may view the accusing parent as the source of conflict.
How an Experienced Colorado Family Law Attorney Can Help with Parental Alienation
Parental alienation poses significant challenges within family dynamics, particularly during or after contentious divorces. In Colorado, where family law aims to protect the interests of children, an experienced attorney can be instrumental in addressing cases of parental alienation. Here’s how legal expertise can help:
- Navigating the Legal System: An experienced family law attorney understands the complexities of Colorado’s legal system, including the nuances of family law that can impact custody and parental rights. They can guide you through the process of filing the necessary legal documents to address parental alienation and represent your interests effectively in court.
- Advocacy in Court: In cases of parental alienation, demonstrating the issue to a court requires clear, compelling evidence. A skilled attorney can help gather and present evidence of alienation, such as documented changes in the child’s behavior, communication records, and expert testimonies from psychologists or child behavior specialists. By advocating on your behalf, the attorney ensures that the court comprehends the seriousness of the situation and its impact on the child.
- Legal Strategies and Solutions: Depending on the severity of the alienation, various legal remedies can be explored. This might include requesting modifications to custody arrangements to ensure more balanced access to both parents, or instituting specific measures that prevent further alienation. For instance, a Colorado attorney might suggest incorporating detailed provisions in the custody agreement that require both parents to attend family therapy or parenting classes.
- Professional Referrals: Family law attorneys often have networks that include child psychologists, therapists, and counselors who specialize in treating cases of parental alienation. These professionals can provide the necessary support to help restore the parent-child relationship and can also serve as expert witnesses if your case goes to court.
- Mediation and Negotiation: Before escalating to court, an attorney might recommend mediation. This approach can help parents reach a mutual understanding and amend their behavior for the child’s benefit. An attorney’s experience in negotiation can be crucial in achieving a resolution that protects the child’s well-being while also preserving parental rights.
- Long-Term Guidance and Support: Dealing with parental alienation can be an ongoing challenge. A seasoned family law attorney can offer continued legal advice and support as your case develops and as your child grows, ensuring that any new issues are addressed promptly and effectively.
